Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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