another moral hangover. fuck.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
