i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
