My balls are so social today.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
