NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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