I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
