I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
