Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
