why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
