Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
