You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize