Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize