i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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