There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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