Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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