You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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