Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We left an ass print on the piano.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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