in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
