she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
