i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dude i'm inner monologue high
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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