There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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