Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
