Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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