Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
