I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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