what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
