??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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