Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
