I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
