please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
