on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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