its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Randomize
