let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
