well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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