i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
