Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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