omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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