I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
