Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize