I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
