the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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