The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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