Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
