yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize