I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
