I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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