I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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