I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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