Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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