oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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