We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
