Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize