All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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