Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
