he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You are the jesus of drinking
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
