so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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