Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
