WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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