seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
