so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You ruined the universe
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