Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
This is my gift to your gina
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
