you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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