It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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