I am puke
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You ruined the universe
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
