You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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