"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
