YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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