I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
