we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Couch. On fire.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
