So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
