fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
