ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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