just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize