oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
