Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
