I just cut my nipple shaving
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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