It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
