life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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