The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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