Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
