pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
