Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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