i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
